Random thoughts tonight on October 31st 2015:
This may seem egotistical............ OK yes it is. I grew up pretty good with a caring mom. I wrestled in school...I was pissed, angry. All I cared about was to letter in varsity wrestling. Fuck the jacket bullshit just get the letter. I did. Fuck yeah! I was a motivated athlete and it drives me to this day. I thrive on those days. My mom was supportive...caring and awesome. I think my dad cared but was into his own stuff. I'm in that mod....it's a learned behavior. My dad was selfish and into his horses etc. And still is......And that is me to this day.....have an ego....arrogant....but I like to have fun and share my fun and passion for what I do........and what I do is awesome.....yes awesome............live life with an active lifestyle.
I'm writing this right now because it is what it is my head right now. I fight this fight everyday....I have a great life. I have a fabulous wife. We support each other but I am a burden at times. She loves me and puts up with my shit. I have my own racing kits: El Freako Racing. I should be really content. NOT. I put myself into this situation because I am obsessed with pushing myself beyond normal mortal capabilities. OCD. I'll figure it out in time. Maybe not. I get so wrapped up into my stuff I want to accomplish I lose sight of what is important in life and that is my life partner.... My wife. She gets lost in the washing machine that's in my my head. And as I get older the obsessions seem to get worse. I am always inpatient. Angst and anxiety. I need constant motion. Move. Move. Move. WTF!
Even though I am not like others who go beyond what I do, I respect what others do. It is so awesome.
My biggest accomplishments are what follows:
Colorado Trail Race 2013
Arizona Trail Race 300 2014
Grand Canyon Rim 2 Rim 2 Rim 2015 (running)
There is so much more out there to do...it keeps my mind turning and I think this is why I am so fucked up and always thinking of what to do next as in terms of physical accomplishments. I measure life in physical accomplishments. I don't know why,. I don't know................................
Keep moving. That's my rant.